How to live by faith. This is not a religion.
Faith has always been my saving grace
The reason for everything that didn't and couldn't make sense
My ultimate motivation that transcended what others would have told me wasn't worth it.
Faith brought my family from Douala, Cameroon to Portsmouth, Virginia
An assurance that the loving God who provided for you
in intelligence, in success, in luck
Would provide for you even in this new, challenging place, with much fruit to be harvested.
I always would run towards that fruit.
The fruit my parents put in front of me from the moment I could add.
Seeking success, accomplishment, but most importantly,
being able to seek while still being a "good" person.
After the lectures, I defined it for myself:
Just because I have to succeed doesn't mean I have to trample others on the way
It doesn't even mean that I will not need to ask for help.
I had the faith that I was capable,
and because of this capability, and because of this faith,
I did. I pursued. I struggled. I fell in love with challenge.
With defining myself by how much I was able to endure
There was so much in my past, how short a past, that I had already been able to endure
The sin of others, my own sin, the heart ache, heartbreak, ground being swept out from beneath my feet
momentarily. Always, momentarily. Just short enough,
that I'd be moving past it, but just long enough,
that'd I'd be able carry it with me, a badge of honor, of valiance.
See me, holding on to my name, even my desire to seek no fame,
only survive, succeed and give back.
Did you notice? When I stopped believing.
When faith was no longer an all encompassing grace,
but a tool for me to see my desired future harvest perfectly in its place?
Yeah, I didn't either. When did this futile faith replaced my God's?
Why did I seek such weak assurance? and built my castle on shifting sands.
His wave of grace and mercy is now rising quick,
washing away the pride and multitude of plans
yet my own built walls still stubbornly stand,
Can they be broken down but by my own hand? But I'm still so weak.
I'm scared to reach for his outstretched palm,
That promises already sovereign peace.
I linger still, hiding myself with reason,
Afraid to surrender complete control and ownership,
to the Faith.
Afraid to live outside of myself,
with every decision and motivating factor, being to please
not my self, not my own hands, nor my own desires,
but to fulfill the work of the ruler of the heavens.
To please my father, who designed this entire life from the start
with its mistakes, disappointments and betrayals,
all the way to the revelations, changes of heart, and celebrations.
Afraid to honor the maker of all things.
Afraid to work for and suffer and toil and weep
for the things not seen.
how could I not seek to live solely
by this faith. For this faith.
Give me the faith to face my parents,
my mentors and advisors,
to tell my friends,
and to seek no approval,
leaning already on the confidence of your promise.
~I will suffer when I will...but I will always love and be loved~
The reason for everything that didn't and couldn't make sense
My ultimate motivation that transcended what others would have told me wasn't worth it.
Faith brought my family from Douala, Cameroon to Portsmouth, Virginia
An assurance that the loving God who provided for you
in intelligence, in success, in luck
Would provide for you even in this new, challenging place, with much fruit to be harvested.
I always would run towards that fruit.
The fruit my parents put in front of me from the moment I could add.
Seeking success, accomplishment, but most importantly,
being able to seek while still being a "good" person.
After the lectures, I defined it for myself:
Just because I have to succeed doesn't mean I have to trample others on the way
It doesn't even mean that I will not need to ask for help.
I had the faith that I was capable,
and because of this capability, and because of this faith,
I did. I pursued. I struggled. I fell in love with challenge.
With defining myself by how much I was able to endure
There was so much in my past, how short a past, that I had already been able to endure
The sin of others, my own sin, the heart ache, heartbreak, ground being swept out from beneath my feet
momentarily. Always, momentarily. Just short enough,
that I'd be moving past it, but just long enough,
that'd I'd be able carry it with me, a badge of honor, of valiance.
See me, holding on to my name, even my desire to seek no fame,
only survive, succeed and give back.
Did you notice? When I stopped believing.
When faith was no longer an all encompassing grace,
but a tool for me to see my desired future harvest perfectly in its place?
Yeah, I didn't either. When did this futile faith replaced my God's?
Why did I seek such weak assurance? and built my castle on shifting sands.
His wave of grace and mercy is now rising quick,
washing away the pride and multitude of plans
yet my own built walls still stubbornly stand,
Can they be broken down but by my own hand? But I'm still so weak.
I'm scared to reach for his outstretched palm,
That promises already sovereign peace.
I linger still, hiding myself with reason,
Afraid to surrender complete control and ownership,
to the Faith.
Afraid to live outside of myself,
with every decision and motivating factor, being to please
not my self, not my own hands, nor my own desires,
but to fulfill the work of the ruler of the heavens.
To please my father, who designed this entire life from the start
with its mistakes, disappointments and betrayals,
all the way to the revelations, changes of heart, and celebrations.
Afraid to honor the maker of all things.
Afraid to work for and suffer and toil and weep
for the things not seen.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1, English Standard VersionLearning about a love like His,
how could I not seek to live solely
by this faith. For this faith.
Give me the faith to face my parents,
my mentors and advisors,
to tell my friends,
and to seek no approval,
leaning already on the confidence of your promise.
~I will suffer when I will...but I will always love and be loved~
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