Weakness

Yes. I have a tumblr. Anyway, not the point.

This picture. I hate it. It's everything I want and everything I tell myself I can't stand.
If someone was to film my life on a summer day, I would wish to see myseld like this.
Carefree, beautiful. With the guy...though sometimes I don't even know what kind of guy that would be.
But this would be nice. Someone I feel comfortable and daring and able with; Nice and fun and good enough to keep me from drawing back into my world of thoughts an concerns.
I would like being in that zone where I trust myself enough and feel trusted enough that together, we could feel like we could do anything we really wanted. We could race down the street, yell at neighbor's dog, scare the crap out of the neighbors cat and act like we were trying to buy liquor.
Someone who, like me, knows the boundaries, plays with them, but never cross them. We'd never take ourselves too seriously, unless we needed to.
Get into heated arguments about... the value of education, then, convince the version of me that feels unhesitatingly comfortable with my body, to go jump in the nearby lake.....



...actually I can't say that I hate anything about this picture. I just want to get there.
Ugh, I can't stand feeling so weak.