Let Us Find

Hatred that comes from within, turmoil that can't be materialized, an agitation and unease to the deepest layers of being. Itching and scratching to uncover the scathed bruise that no one can see, that no one understands. what is the source, where did it begin.  We only seek to answer that which we know we can. That which has origin.  Is it insecurity?It must be mistrust. A lost interest and belief in everything; all is tainted and flawed, after all.  Displeasure and disdain for the limited. It is too much of mine.  too short [of divine]. Can we not find refuge from the objects? From the definitions, the projections and the productions. Those above which we used to know we had control. Can we not find refuge? or is it that we strayed too far? I used to know right from wrong  and where each laid.  A giganteous monster now has risen, composed of all familiar deposits "Dechets" we couldn't do with. The fear of having turned away, long...

I sincerely hate anger.  It comes to remind us of things that we already know,  and have long been trying to ignore. It signifies the passing of time and the shortness of laughter it warns us of familiar mistakes, and life: ratified and non-stopping regardless of preferences. It reminds us that alone, we're poor.  We're sad, and saddening to the onlooker's eye, incapable of standing alone, unable to call our deepest thoughts our own. Anger reminds us that independence is an illusion, security and control, all invented words, crafted. Power, a term for gauging and for physics, not possession It reminds us vulnerable, palpable and affected.  Anger is theft, experiencing stolen-ness.  of Understanding, objects, truth, trust, chances.  Silently, it kills. Loudly, too. No bad news go unnoticed, no bad side goes un-woken. brokenness is welcomed and help, unspoken all is on the table, and victims feast, unable to be sat...

bitterness, bitterness, anger, helplessness the love we had left me sore depression, frustration, too familiar feelings now leaving me to doubt our beginning Weary, faithless, perpetually forgiving you let me depend on my own decided how unworthy you were of my trust yet stood as a reason to give us no rest Is it possible to spend time apart? Would we survive- or break down? would we bother coming back around. I need the distance, for a sanity check I also still need to continue paying the rent. Why couldn't you just have made it simple believed in yourself, believed in Good Over Evil? From the very first glance, made everything clear not denying either of us a chance to disappear I want to wish for a disconnection now I know it's too late  the poison spread between us binding our states. I'm too nice and too scared, and you don't care. 

Yes. I have a tumblr. Anyway, not the point. This picture. I hate it. It's everything I want and everything I tell myself I can't stand. If someone was to film my life on a summer day, I would wish to see myseld like this. Carefree, beautiful. With the guy...though sometimes I don't even know what kind of guy that would be. But this would be nice. Someone I feel comfortable and daring and able with; Nice and fun and good enough to keep me from drawing back into my world of thoughts an concerns. I would like being in that zone where I trust myself enough and feel trusted enough that together, we could feel like we could do anything we really wanted. We could race down the street, yell at neighbor's dog, scare the crap out of the neighbors cat and act like we were trying to buy liquor. Someone who, like me, knows the boundaries, plays with them, but never cross them. We'd never take ourselves too seriously, unless we needed to. Get into heated arguments abo...