Let Us Find

I am interested in redefining what I experience as Success. Can I will myself to step outside of the box of what decades of institution have told me is success? To excel, surpass average, and garner respect. I am interested in those in-between's. The make-up of those stepping stones that success requires me to jump over, two-at a time, to reach the top. What is lying there, in the wake of man and woman's high-speed chase for the top of the cyclical chain? Can I be satisfied to inquire, to learn and to develop? or must I keep fighting with the same tools I started out with, to breathe, i mean to win? I don't think there's a judge i'm interested in pleasing any longer I think I've mostly been wanting to prove myself earnest, hardworking, and capable. Honorable. Of what, it didn't matter, as long as it was the harder thing, until now. Now, I just want to prove myself, me. But i'm not sure who that is But i'm not sure I can, physica...

I think it was selfish and quite frankly, nonsensical of me to be so dedicated and want to be dedicatedto tumblr and the tumblr world for so long. I mean like when I am older and have kids, do I REALLY wanna tell them that i spent the BEST years of my life wishing I was somewhere else? Somewhere that didn't exist? Wishing I was part of something that only existed in the gateway between my brain and the interwebz? How dumb, how reckless. How ungrateful, reckless. I'd rather have been smelling flowers; intoxicationg my mind with loves, thoughts, and imagined things by me and those around me that I could touch, feel, and share. All true, original, genuine. I should have known better; one of the first posts I ever saw was one saying originality is dead. Life in that world was doomed from the start.